Coffeehouse Christians
Like many Americans, I like a good cup a joe (or Chai) and enjoy lounging at the local coffeehouse. Being a firm believer in doing my part to bolster the economy, not to mention enabling the barristas to afford a wide array of clogs, I eagerly shell out 5 dollars for a 50 cent beverage at least four times a week. I sit in the over-stuffed chairs reading, hacking away on my laptop and chatting on my cell phone - a perfect example of a 21st century, mobile-ready, cyber geek. You know the type, backpack full of gadgets worth more than their car.
When you see a coffeehouse portrayed on TV it always seems to be a very hip environment, with lots of funky patrons engaging in interesting conversation or the brooding set wallowing in existential angst. The type of place where you are just as likely to run into an anarchist as a couple on a first date. This type of ideal coffeehouse is what I have been searching for, and while I know it exists somewhere, it has eluded me thus far. Instead I only find its evil twin - Starbucks - bland and uniformly stocked with housewives, business folk and a new incarnation, the coffeehouse christian.
The coffeehouse christian is a versatile sort. No longer bound by the usual haunts of church, christian bookstores, good news clubs and teary-eyed promise keepers meetings, the emboldened 21st century christian is equally at home in the convenience store of coffeehouses, Starbucks. Armed with all the high-tech gadgets, good ol' fashioned bibles and a latte, they unabashedly embark on a crusade to convert the unsuspecting, coffee sipping unbeliever.
An evolved and highly adaptable creature, the coffeehouse christian has learned the lessons of the past and no longer leads with the old classic, "have you heard the good news?" or "do you know Jesus Christ as your savior?" . Taking cues from both the business world and self-help gurus, they employ a much more subtle and salesmen like approach, using ingratiating lead-ins like, "that looks interesting, what are you reading?" or "that looks like a cool laptop". Friendly opening, get you talking about your interest and then go in for the Jesus roll.
I was the victim of an attempted Jesus roll recently. The coffehouse christian used the old "what are you reading" hook. Thrown off by its size, I think he was under the impression my book was some sort of religious text. It was actually Blackwell's Companion to Political Philosophy, which is a disturbing 700+ pages. Not to worry, he quickly shifted gears and decided to ask a few inane questions about the nature of our political system and, according to him, the socialist/communist trajectory of the healthcare system. As if anything but the unbridled capitalistic nature of our current healthcare system would lead straight to the depths of eternal damnation (a view I am sure many Republicans share).
From there the conversation meandered, but it seemed as if there was something on his mind. Sensing that he was indeed a coffeehouse christian, I decided to give him the opening that he was looking for... I mentioned that I enjoy comparative religion. Oh the look of joy on his face. Being a relatively clean cut white boy, I am sure he assumed that I was a christian and was studying other religions merely to garner more ammunition to confront the unbelievers and members of the wayward, false religions. He quickly adjusted to a more relaxed posture and began to lean in for a more deep and meaningful conversation about Jesus. "I believe that Christ guides every aspect of our lives and has a plan for each of us", he said. How many times had I heard that one before? There must be some sort of handbook of cliches given out at each proselytizing prep class.
As he droned on about witnessing and his personal walk with Christ, I began to worry that if I let this continue much longer I too would be labeled as a coffeehouse christian. Not wanting to simply tell him to hit the bricks, I contemplated possible responses that might make him want to leave voluntarily. Atheist? No, he would only try harder. Jewish? Damn, Jews for Jesus messed that one up. Maybe I should make up a lie and tell him that I am gay. With gay marriage being such a fiery issue for evangelicals, it might have a shot. But wait, don't christians have some sort of sexual conversion, remind the evil gays that they are straight program?
I was at a complete loss when my cell phone rang. "Important call", I said. Ah, the tech equivalent of talk-to-the-hand. I was free to be rude without really being rude. No exchange of phone numbers. No invitations to church or bible study. Just a quick handshake, nice talking to you and see ya' later. Maybe there is hope. Maybe our technology can actually help shield, as well as connect us.
tecnorati tag: Coffeehouse Christians
When you see a coffeehouse portrayed on TV it always seems to be a very hip environment, with lots of funky patrons engaging in interesting conversation or the brooding set wallowing in existential angst. The type of place where you are just as likely to run into an anarchist as a couple on a first date. This type of ideal coffeehouse is what I have been searching for, and while I know it exists somewhere, it has eluded me thus far. Instead I only find its evil twin - Starbucks - bland and uniformly stocked with housewives, business folk and a new incarnation, the coffeehouse christian.
The coffeehouse christian is a versatile sort. No longer bound by the usual haunts of church, christian bookstores, good news clubs and teary-eyed promise keepers meetings, the emboldened 21st century christian is equally at home in the convenience store of coffeehouses, Starbucks. Armed with all the high-tech gadgets, good ol' fashioned bibles and a latte, they unabashedly embark on a crusade to convert the unsuspecting, coffee sipping unbeliever.
An evolved and highly adaptable creature, the coffeehouse christian has learned the lessons of the past and no longer leads with the old classic, "have you heard the good news?" or "do you know Jesus Christ as your savior?" . Taking cues from both the business world and self-help gurus, they employ a much more subtle and salesmen like approach, using ingratiating lead-ins like, "that looks interesting, what are you reading?" or "that looks like a cool laptop". Friendly opening, get you talking about your interest and then go in for the Jesus roll.
I was the victim of an attempted Jesus roll recently. The coffehouse christian used the old "what are you reading" hook. Thrown off by its size, I think he was under the impression my book was some sort of religious text. It was actually Blackwell's Companion to Political Philosophy, which is a disturbing 700+ pages. Not to worry, he quickly shifted gears and decided to ask a few inane questions about the nature of our political system and, according to him, the socialist/communist trajectory of the healthcare system. As if anything but the unbridled capitalistic nature of our current healthcare system would lead straight to the depths of eternal damnation (a view I am sure many Republicans share).
From there the conversation meandered, but it seemed as if there was something on his mind. Sensing that he was indeed a coffeehouse christian, I decided to give him the opening that he was looking for... I mentioned that I enjoy comparative religion. Oh the look of joy on his face. Being a relatively clean cut white boy, I am sure he assumed that I was a christian and was studying other religions merely to garner more ammunition to confront the unbelievers and members of the wayward, false religions. He quickly adjusted to a more relaxed posture and began to lean in for a more deep and meaningful conversation about Jesus. "I believe that Christ guides every aspect of our lives and has a plan for each of us", he said. How many times had I heard that one before? There must be some sort of handbook of cliches given out at each proselytizing prep class.
As he droned on about witnessing and his personal walk with Christ, I began to worry that if I let this continue much longer I too would be labeled as a coffeehouse christian. Not wanting to simply tell him to hit the bricks, I contemplated possible responses that might make him want to leave voluntarily. Atheist? No, he would only try harder. Jewish? Damn, Jews for Jesus messed that one up. Maybe I should make up a lie and tell him that I am gay. With gay marriage being such a fiery issue for evangelicals, it might have a shot. But wait, don't christians have some sort of sexual conversion, remind the evil gays that they are straight program?
I was at a complete loss when my cell phone rang. "Important call", I said. Ah, the tech equivalent of talk-to-the-hand. I was free to be rude without really being rude. No exchange of phone numbers. No invitations to church or bible study. Just a quick handshake, nice talking to you and see ya' later. Maybe there is hope. Maybe our technology can actually help shield, as well as connect us.
tecnorati tag: Coffeehouse Christians
posted by Political Zen at 7:02 AM
2 Comments:
It sounds like you need to stop drinking so much coffee and start praying. The lake of fire burns hot.
-Concerned Christian
Concerned Christian,
This would be a perfect opportunity for me to go on a lovely rant about the obsurd nature of your statement and how it further exemplifies the archaic and primitive belief system you obviously hold dear - but instead, I will take a deep breath and offer a homework assignment.
Homework:
*Consider the anthropological and other scientific evidence indicating a progession of development and evolution that is in direct opposition to the religious concept of creation. We can overlook the obvious time differences (6000 years vs the actual geologic record)and focus on the science.
*Consider the metaphorical and allegorical nature of the bible. The "literalist" interpretation is foolish.
*Consider the time in which the bible was written and the level of understanding of the natural world. Also, the level of mysticism and number of "prophets" running around.
*Deeply examine why you feel that there must be a god and a heavenly afterlife. Fear death? Still upset that there is no Santa Claus? Maybe you should embrace your mortality and live your life to the fullest...think of all the extra time you will have with your Sunday now free!!
*Feel free to run through a few "God Proofs" and throw a few my way for further discussion.
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